Dear Wing Ma'am: "How do I get back the trust?"

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  • By Dear Wing Ma'am
  • 6th Medical Group
MACDILL AIR FORCE BASE, Fla. --  DEAR WING MA'AM,
In no way am I perfect. I'm not the best husband and have made my share of mistakes. Unfortunately, these mistakes have taken a toll on the strength of our marriage. We want to have a stronger foundation for our relationship and overcome some of these hardships. How can we build the trust between us? ~ Flailing in Florida

DEAR FLAILING,
One of the building blocks of any interpersonal relationship is trust. In a committed relationship, it is an essential component between two people. Being trustworthy and earning trust from another person takes time. Developing trust starts with the small things, such as calling when you say you will, showing up when you say you will, and calling when you are going to be home late. Being consistent with these smaller gestures plants the seeds of trust and shows that you will do what you "say" you are going to do and you are dependable. Breaking seemingly insignificant promises shows you are unreliable.

Next, avoid telling a lie. This can be difficult. You'd be surprised how often you may stretch the truth or tell a "white" lie to prevent hurting someone's feelings. Being honest with your partner, even when it can be unpleasant, will build your trustworthiness. If you do lie, "fess" up to it. It is best to own up to your lie as soon as possible, and explain your reasoning. If you get caught, don't deny it. A lie to cover up another lie doesn't make it the truth.

Another way to build trust is to volunteer information. It shows your partner you have nothing to hide. For example, when you are asked, "How was your TDY?" You can say, "It was fine." Or, you can take advantage of an opportunity to build trust by volunteering information and responding by saying, "It was a good trip. We got all the documentation presented to the board without any difficulties. Tech. Sgt. Snuffy and I ate dinner in the hotel buffet both nights because the weather was snowy and freezing."

Lastly, being a good listener and not discounting how your partner is feeling also builds a strong connection. Respecting your partner's boundaries and keeping their secrets shows you can be discreet and loyal. Remember, it is just as easy to build trust as it is to break it down. You can repair the trust in any relationship if the other person is willing to give you the opportunity to prove yourself.

Dear Wing Ma'am is written by Capt. Christy Cruz, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Wing Ma'am works as the Resiliency Program manager and clinical therapist at MacDill AFB. If you want to ask Wing Ma'am for advice, please send your questions to 6mdos.sgoh@us.af.mil. Letters are kept anonymous. Rights are reserved to edit published letters for style and length. Not every question can be answered. This column seeks to educate readers and should not be used as a substitute for seeking professional assistance.