Military spouses face tough challenges when dealing with deployments

  • Published
  • By Staff Sgt. Randy Redman
  • 6th Air Mobility Wing Public Affairs
MACDILL AIR FORCE BASE, FLA. --  The past three weeks were more than anyone should have to endure. As if the months spent planning the perfect wedding weren't stressful enough, the honeymoon was cut short after John got the news he was being deployed to Iraq on short notice. Moving into base housing took longer than expected, and the movers damaged the keyboard on the computer, so Sarah had to check her e-mail at the library.

As if that were not enough, the doctor said she needed to come in again for more tests on that funny-looking freckle on her shoulder. Sarah was beginning to think that marrying a man in uniform was more than she bargained for. Her family was all the way across the country in Arizona and they were terrified that John would be killed or injured by a road-side bomb while deployed.

There were still so many questions she had, like whom was she supposed to call about fixing the computer? How much was she supposed to tip the baggers at the Commissary? What would Tri Care cover when she went to the doctor? What was she supposed to do when John left?

It's a common story according to Cheree Zeigler, volunteer program manager at the Airman and Family Readiness Center here. She said many spouses face unbelievably stressful situations when the military member packs his Kevlar and heads to a forward deployed location.

She understands the plight of those military spouses all too well, because her husband, 1st Lt. Richard Zeigler, is deployed as a military advisor for the Iraqi Army. This, his most recent deployment, began in May 2006 and Mrs. Zeigler expects him home sometime in mid-June, meaning he will have been overseas for more than a year.

"He waited a week to tell me after he found out about the tasking because he had just recently returned from Kandahar (Afghanistan)," she said.

Most of her civilian friends can't comprehend how she deals with such extended separations, added Mrs. Zeigler.

"My girlfriend, if her husband has to go on a business trip for a week, takes the kids to stay with her parents," she said. "Family and friends that I have back in Iowa just don't understand that everyone in the military is in the same boat at one time or another."

Like so many other spouses in the military, Kori Bowles, recently said goodbye to her husband during the wee hours Jan. 14. Senior Airman Nathan Bowles is assigned to the 6th Contracting Squadron at MacDill, but is now deployed to Southwest Asia for four months.

Mrs. Bowles said her first reaction was pessimistic because of the milestones he would miss with Natalie, their 4-month-old daughter. Natalie will probably start to babble and begin to feed herself while her dad is gone.

She should be able to sit without assistance and stand while her mother holds her hands. By the time daddy comes back, it is possible Natalie will be crawling from room to room, she said.

"My biggest worry is his safety because he is so close to Iraq," said Mrs. Bowles. "I worry about him fitting back into our schedule when he finally comes home."

Although she has other family members in the military who deploy, Mrs. Bowles said getting used to being a single mother is harder than she thought.

"I'm very lonely and very bored," she said. "But I know he is doing the right thing."

Fortunately for spouses like Mrs. Zeigler and Mrs. Bowles, there are several programs in place to help battle the fears, doubts and inevitable complications that come with deployments. The AFRC provides car care, babysitting, free phone cards and even priority lines at the Base Exchange and Commissary.

These benefits aren't limited to just wives, though. Despite the fact that they are scarce, husbands left behind to take care of the children, the house and the bills are equally entitled to any assistance available. This goes for spouses of any branch of the military, not just the Air Force.

"There is a misconception that the Airman and Family Readiness Center is only for the Air Force," said Mrs. Zeigler. "Here at MacDill, there is the Army, Navy, Marines and foreign military families too. They are all welcome here."

The AFRC even offers free telephone calls to deployed members from their spouses in hopes of reassuring them everything is going just fine while they are away.

"They really want to know that things are taken care of at home," said Mrs. Zeigler. "They have enough to worry about."

For spouses still wondering how they'll ever make it, Mrs. Zeigler has plenty of experience and sage advice.

"Don't sit in front of the television; that's the worst thing you can do. Stay active and don't shelter yourself," she said, adding, "You can make it work or you can make it worse."