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Dear Wing Ma'am: I'm not ready yet...

  • Published
  • By Wing Ma'am
  • 6th Medical Group
Dear Wing Ma'am,
We've been trying for a baby, and we were ecstatic when I finally got pregnant. Tragically, I miscarried. We have received so much support from our friends, co-workers and family. We listened to everything our doc told us to do and he's given us the okay to try again. My husband wants to try again as soon as we can, but I am having a hard time coping with this loss. I feel inadequate, sad and scared that this will happen again. I'm not ready yet and feel like I can't talk to my husband about it because he seems to have already moved on. What should I do?
~Empty Cradle

Dear Empty Cradle,
It's important to understand that grieving is a process that is unique to every individual. The first stage of grief is shock and denial. You may asked yourself, "Did this just happen to me? To us?" You may try to analyze your actions and question all the details of the events that led up to the loss. Next, the guilt begins to set in, along with all the pain. There may be tears and you may feel numb to the world. You may start blaming yourself for the loss. The following stage is anger. There's anger at yourself, spouse, work, doctor, maybe even a higher being. You want someone to "fix it," and may find yourself bargaining with a higher power to set things right again. After anger and bargaining, the realization of what happened begins to set in. You may feel gloomy and depressed at this stage.

Eventually you will reach the final stages of grief: acceptance and hope. At this stage, you have accepted the loss and realized that life does go on. I encourage you to talk to someone to work through your feelings and invite your spouse to talk about it as well! Helpful resources like the Behavioral Health & Optimization Program (827-9170), Chaplain Services (828-3621), Mental Health (827-9170), Military Family Life Consultants (426-4145/731-6133), or Military OneSource (1-800-342-9647) are available to support you. Remember, it takes time to heal both body and mind.