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He’s really nice to me — sometimes

  • Published
  • By Wing Ma'am
  • 6th Medical Group
DEAR WING MA'AM: I've been dating a guy for almost five months. He's really cute and charming to everyone and really sweet to me -- sometimes. Lately, I've noticed he's acting excessively jealous. He accused me of flirting with some guy at the gym, and I recently caught him going through my cell phone. When I confronted him about it he got really angry and blamed it all on me. At first I thought it was because he was really into me, but now I'm starting to think he's a little controlling. What do you think I should do? ~ Anonymous airman

DEAR ANONYMOUS AIRMAN: Trust your first instincts. Sometimes it is easy to excuse or overlook abuse in a relationship, especially when it is psychological and not physical.

Emotionally abusive relationships can make you feel depressed, helpless and destroy your self-worth. In time, you may start to question if you are crazy or feel that you deserve such treatment. Domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal abuse to physical and sexual violence.

A big red flag that may indicate that you are in an abusive relationship is that you fear your boyfriend. If you feel like you are walking on eggshells around him, always watching what you do or say to avoid a fight--chances are the relationship is unhealthy and abusive. Other signs that you may be in an abusive relationship include a partner who humiliates and yells at you, criticizes or puts you down, or ignores and discredits your opinions. Remember, loving behavior is trusting, respectful and safe. Recognizing the signs of an abusive relationship is the first step to ending it.