Dear Wing Ma'am: Deployment marriage blues... Published Sept. 30, 2011 By Wing Ma'am 6th Medical Group MACDILL AIR FORCE BASE, Fla. -- Dear Wing Ma'am, My husband recently returned from long deployment and things are just not the same between us. I don't know what to do. He's been home a month now, and I feel that I am already at my wits end and drowning in our marriage. I love him and want to make this work!! I want to save our relationship and our family. Any advice you could give would be appreciated! Thanks. Sincerely, Broken-Hearted in Boston Dear Broken-Hearted Wife, The first months after a spouse returns from any deployment can be very challenging. The longer your spouse has been deployed combined with the danger faced down range has likely changed both of you. Each of you has probably romanticized about a picture-perfect reunion scenario- passionately running into your spouse's open arms with reckless abandon. But soon, reality greets you head-on. Communication is the key when building relationships. Communicate how you are feeling to each other, be patient during difficult times and try to understand where each other is coming from. Try getting reacquainted, "date" your special someone. Even if you have only changed in small ways, take that time to relearn each others fav's. Talk about the budget. Reassess your family's financial situation and where each of you want to be and who will take over the responsibility of paying bills and how savings will be attained. Discuss how household chores are going to be divided and set up what will work best for both of you. Sometimes, individuals can be irritable due to readjustment, job stress, anxiety or painful memories of the deployment. Let your spouse know you care and can lend a listening ear. At times, a person can disengage from the relationship as a means of coping with tough situations, communicate to your partner that you have noticed this emotional disconnect, share your feelings and try to be patient and forgiving during this time of readjustment. Lastly, talk about sex!! As a married couple, you should be able to talk openly about your needs and your sex drive. Some folks may find that their sex drive lowers after a deployment due to depression, stress or exhaustion. Talk and try to be understanding. If you continue to find it challenging to solidify your relationship after this deployment, don't wait too long to do something about it. Get help from the professionals through the Family Advocacy Program (827-9172), Chaplain Services (828-3621); Military Family Life Consultants (426-4145/731-6133), or Military OneSource (1-800-342-9647).